


Even Emrys Has Limits

by OhanaHoku



Series: The Raven-Haired Warrior, A Raven-Haired Child [13]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Soldiers, Childhood Trauma, Conditioning, Developing Friendships, Epic Friendship, Fic Tags, Friendship, Gen, Good Mordred (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Instrospection, Introspective Merlin (Merlin), Male Friendship, Merlin Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Sad Merlin (Merlin), Series Tags, Struggling Merlin (Merlin), Worried Mordred (Merlin), merlin has issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29594511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhanaHoku/pseuds/OhanaHoku
Summary: Merlin is getting closer and closer to breaking, Mordred notices.~Part 13 of the series~Series Summary: To protect Mordred, Merlin confesses to having been a child soldier under Cenred's rule before coming to Camelot. This causes ripple effects throughout their lives that culminate into a tidal wave of disaster for the kingdom and its resident warlock.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Mordred (Merlin)
Series: The Raven-Haired Warrior, A Raven-Haired Child [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764406
Comments: 18
Kudos: 88





	Even Emrys Has Limits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vanishing_girl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanishing_girl/gifts).



> It has been SO LONG! Life dealt me a really bad hand at the start of the year, and I've been dealing with that, so my updates have been essentially nonexistent, which I apologize for. But I think I'm starting to get back into the groove now, so more updates should be coming faster than they have been. <3
> 
> This installation is gifted to vanishing_girl, whose comments helped spur me on to write this. Thank you again, I so appreciate it! <3 <3 <3
> 
> No TWs for this one. Enjoy!

Things were still stilted and awkward between Merlin and Arthur that morning, neither of the two knowing what to say to the other. When Merlin finished his chores and slipped out of the room, he couldn’t help his sigh of relief.

Arthur had said nothing of his being late, and while Merlin was thankful he didn’t have any extra chores as a result of his tardiness, the lack of ire on Arthur’s part made him uneasy. From the first day they met, the two had a particular way of acting with each other, with snarky comments and jests thrown back and forth. Though at first, it was for bluster and show on Arthur’s part and deflection and resentment on Merlin’s, it had soon faded into thinly veiled affection and concern for the other. 

To have that carefree back and forth ripped away from them now left Merlin on uneven footing, unsure of his next step. Did he try to go back to being the same old Merlin? The man who consistently wore a smile? Who always tried to find the bright side? Who invariably had a snarky comment ready to toss back at his best friend?

Merlin’s hands started to shake as his stress built up, and the servant ducked into an alcove for a moment of privacy, clenching his fists tight as he closed his eyes and pressed his back against the wall.

Could he really be that person again? It felt as if looking at the bright side of things now was impossible as if a heavy blanket of storm clouds was hanging overhead. Even trying to smile these past few days had been strenuous. Each upward tilt of his lips had felt like lifting iron weights.

The servant gritted his teeth, pounding the wall behind him with his fist. He couldn’t keep his mask up much longer.

He may be Emrys, but Merlin was still only human, and he had his limits. Limits that had been pushed and stretched to the furthest they could go for much too long.

Eventually, and he imagined it would happen sooner rather than later, his limits would be pushed too far, and he’d break.

Like a leather strap being stretched beyond its capacity, if Merlin’s limits were forced much further, he’d snap.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

That afternoon, Mordred was being shown around the village by the king’s manservant. The young druid was mostly quiet as Merlin walked him around, watching the warlock with a slightly concerned look.

Merlin had seemed… off ever since they woke up that morning. He had circles under his eyes, which Mordred had chalked up to little sleep as Merlin hadn’t returned by the time Mordred had gone to bed the night before. But he seemed to have gotten worse since breakfast, and it was more than just looking tired, Merlin’s eyes almost seemed darker than usual, and the man was practically radiating stress, anger, and sadness.

Had something happened between Merlin and Arthur? Was there another threat to Camelot that he hadn’t heard about yet? Or could Merlin be angry at him?

“Mordred?”

The druid had been so focused on trying to figure out what was wrong that he didn’t even notice Merlin had been trying to grab his attention until the warlock had stepped into his space, those light blue eyes that seemed so dark peering into his.

“Sorry, what?” He asked, taking a step back.

“Are you sick or something?” Merlin asked. “You seem distracted.”

Mordred blinked for a moment. Should he voice his concern about the other sorcerer? Should he lie and feign illness to avoid angering him?

No. Mordred didn’t want to risk the fragile bond that was forming between them with lies.

“Sorry, I just… Has something happened that I should know about? You seem… stressed.” He settled on. He wasn’t about to tell him that his skin looked too pale, or that he had too many wrinkles of stress pulling at the corners of his eyes, or that he couldn’t help but notice the way Merlin’s hands would shake slightly before the warlock managed to still them.

Merlin sighed, his intense gaze fading and sliding away from him. “It’s nothing that you have to worry about.” He murmured. “Come on, let’s keep going.” He said quietly, walking on to finish Mordred’s tour.

He stayed back a moment, watching him go. There was something wrong, but what if it wasn’t his place to try and interfere? He sighed and resolved to keep a sharp eye out in case he could do something to help. There was no harm in that, he decided.

Mind made up, he fell back into step with Merlin, paying more attention to the tour this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count - 786. I promise Merlin and Arthur WILL talk soon! But for now I'm enjoying dragging things out a bit. ;) Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Check out my [tumblr](https://ohanahoku-ao3.tumblr.com/) :D


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